“It is our choices that show who we truly are, far more than our abilities.”Albus Dumbledore
I had my wisdom teeth removed 12 days ago now. The surgery went great, and for two days my pain was actually not horrible. The third day however; started the now nightmare. The pain started to get worse and I couldn’t eat anything except Jello, pudding, and applesauce. On Friday I decided to go back to see if there was something wrong. For one thing, I have dry socket and I found out that I am healing very slowly because the holes should be healed or almost healed by then; mine where still gaping holes. It is now Wednesday and I am still unable to eat anything. I have to have Ensure high protein shakes, which I hate. Not only have I had to drink more than someone should in a life time because of when I was in multiple treatment centers for my eating disorder, they taste HORRIBLE. I have lost 10 pounds because of this. No, I am not going to lie; I love that I’ve lost weight. I do not however love that my disordered thoughts are creeping into action when it has, for the most part, been on the back burner for a while. I have no energy, I’m hungry, and I am dizzy and/or winded when ever I move which makes it very difficult to do even the simplest tasks. Yesterday I felt like I was going to pass out when going up three flight of stairs to my class. Not to mention my brain feels like it is unable to focus or understand school work because of the lack of nutrition.
I have felt for this past week that I need to keep pushing and faulting myself because I am not doing what I normally can do. All weekend I was angry at myself and feeling overwhelmed to the point of feeling like I wanted to give up because of my black and white thinking that I wouldn’t be able to finish the semester because of how behind I was. I felt like I should do more when really, I was already pushing myself to the limit. When I think realistically, I know I able doing the best I can in this situation. I took the quote above and really thought about it for a bit. I have always loved this quote and have applied it to many struggles that have set me back or made me feel like I wasn’t smart or strong enough.
Now, I close my eyes and take a deep breath as I let the “not doing enough” thought roll through. Now, its time to make a plan; including time to rest.